Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
