Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
