youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize