Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
