You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
