I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
