It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
