Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
