She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
