I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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