All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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