Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
