I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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