eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
