There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
