You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
