Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
