Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
