3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
