You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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