Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
