Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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