He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
