I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
