i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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