I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
