Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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