babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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