did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
