we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
