After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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