Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
