I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
