True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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