They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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