do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
