I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
