Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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