As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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