life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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