dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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