if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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