someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
