im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
