I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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