This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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