Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
