every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So vagazzling was a success
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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