Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
