I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
