she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
