Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
