I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
