plz talk dirty to me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
