It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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