WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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