Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
