my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
