Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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