Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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