You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
