so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
