I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
