The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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