you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
