So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
