I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
