she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
