Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
