it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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